A.J. Reviews Super Bowl LX

Super Bowl LX was something. I mean, it wasn't something spectacular, but it was just there. Let my notes explain

-Before I begin, the endless showing of sports betting commercials has become a cancer in sports. It's going to spread and be fatal to the industry.

-Mack Hollins has a screw loose, but he's not hurting anyone.

-Earlier today, I looked up that old ESPN show "Cold Pizza" and wondered, what happened to Kit Hoover? Well, low and behold, she is on the pregame show for the Super Bowl. Scary, huh?

-The Life360 ad is sinister.

-Jason Kelce in another commercial. Eeh.

-It is scary that Jac Collinsworth sounds exactly like his father. Also, I realized that I have to power through with Cris on the call.

-I guess they are not doing the Kick of Destiny this year.

-Julian Love's wife is named Julia. Julian and Julia Love, that's pretty cool.

-Oh, there's a scuffle in the Clippers/Timberwolves game. They are playing Kung Fu Fighting in the arena.

-Adrien Brody is in a Turbotax commercial. Don't know why people hate him, he has 2 Academy Awards, how many do you have? That's what I thought.

-George Clooney is in a Grubhub commercial about no fees.

-Kelsey Grammer is in a new show, I guess.

-It's scary that Noah Eagle looks exactly like his father, Ian.

-Kyle Shanahan looks pissed to be in the panel instead of on the field. Meanwhile, Fred Warner might have a career in broadcasting when his playing days are over.

-It's that Jason Kelce commercial again.

-Mike (bleeping) Tirico on the call. I love that guy! Tirico Suave is going to add excitement to the broadcast.

-Bathroom break

-The Seachickens storm onto the field with Chris Pratt, while New England with Jon Bon Jovi.

-A commercial about body hair singing is on. Who the (bleep) thinks of this?

-Oh, look guys, another sports betting commercial is on,

-Brandi Carlile won 11 Grammys? Damn!

-Scream 7 is out in theaters, I think.

-Geez, another sports betting commercial. I think I found a new drinking game.

-Spielberg has a movie coming in June that resembles Independence Day and Signs.

-God, that Jason Kelce commercial again.

-Darnold delivers two pinpoint throws against pretty good coverage.

-Jason Myers kicks a field goal on the first drive of the game, 3-0 Seachickens.

-Danny McBride, Keegan Michael-Key, Hailee Steinfeld and Bon Jovi are in a State Farm commercial.

-Colin Jost and Michael Che in a betting commercial. Good god.

-Seahawks' defense force a punt, Derick Hall with a key sack to stop momentum.

If you heard of his story, it is about triumph and beating the odds.

-Ben Stiller and some other guy are in an Instacart commercial.

-I don't care if Kurt Russell is in a Michelob Ultra commercial, I'm drinking my Kilt Lifter and Devils Halo.

-Darnold almost had a game breaking touchdown to JSN.

-Punt Seattle as the Patriots defense holds.

-Apparently, Homes.com and Apartments.com merged, I literally do not care.

-Liquid Death has made that money where they can produce a Super Bowl commercial about people running without their heads.

-Both teams are having a punting contest during this first quarter.

-Roger Federer, Adam Sandler, the Bieber family, Jay-Z, Beyonce are some of the celebrities at the game.

END OF FIRST QUARTER SEATTLE 3, NEW ENGLAND 0

-A Lay's commercial about family. Possibly the most honest commercial out there, no BS, just sell the product.

-Marshawn Lynch in a skydiving commercial.

-Emma Roberts for Squarespace.

-Another Minions movie is coming. Wow, they are really milking this franchise.

-They introduce the Hall of Fame class of 2026....without Bill Belichick and Robert Kraft, tsk tsk. Anyway, congrats to them.

-Hunter Henry missed a potential game-breaking catch.

-Another punt by New England.

-Cardi B's baby daddy has zero catches thus far. This comment will age like milk.

-You can't throw a long bomb on Christian Gonzalez. It's the last name, I'm sorry.

-Kenneth Walker III has runs of 30 and 28 yards on this drive.

-If you love defense, then this is your Disneyland.

-Myers with a field goal, Seattle 6-0.

-T-Mobile with a commercial featuring the Backstreet Boys, Druski, and MKG.

-Pepsi mocking Coca-Cola with the polar bears and is also mocking the Coldplay concert incident.

-Drake Maye is getting rushed like never before.

-Cardi B's baby daddy finally gets a reception. This comment will also age like milk.

-Levi's has a commercial showing people's booties.

-Morgan Moses is firing up his teammates on the sideline.

-Punt by Seattle, but special teams pin the Patriots at the 2-yard line.

-Matthew McC and Bradley Cooper are in an UberEats commercial.

-Head referee Shaun Smith is the new Guns Hochuli.

-Another punt by New England.

-Now we have toilets singing in a commercial, seriously a child could have thought of this.

-USA vs. The World next week at the NBA All-Star Game. That reminds me to do my midseason awards blog.

-Adrien Brody is in another Turbotax commercial.

-Ryan Gosling in a movie where they try to make him look unattractive.

-No issues with the TV feed this time around. Need to fix that problem, Fox, fir the next time they host the Super Bowl.

-Dunkin Donuts has an ad with Ben Affleck, Jason Alexander, Urkel, Matt LeBlanc, Ted Danson, Jennifer Aniston and Tom Brady. It was very confusing.

-Coinbase use a Backstreet Boys song to sell crypto. The BS boys are probably getting a huge payday because of two commercials.

-Patriots have 52 total yards with seconds left in the half.

-Cooper Kupp makes a Julian Edelman-like catch, however, it was ruled incomplete.

-YOU CAN'T THROW AGAINST CHRISTIAN GONZALEZ!

-Myers with his third field goal, 9-0 Seachickens.

-Cris Collinsworth is actually not that annoying as I thought he would be.

HALFTIME: SEATTLE 9, NEW ENGLAND 0

-Right now, Kenneth Walker III is the Super Bowl MVP.

-There are some commercials airing while I'm entering my notes into a blog.

-There hasn't been a sports betting commercial in like an hour. If you're doing that drinking game, drink some water.

-Apparently, Stone Cold Steve Austin was in a Kawasaki commercial and I missed it. That's what the internet is for.

-Svedka Vodka with a weird robot commercial.

-Octavia Spencer and Sofia Vergera with a heart disease commercial.

-Matthew Broderick with an AI commercial. We have gotten lazy as a society.

-Mike Tyson in an Eat Real Good commercial.

-I realize that these notes feature more on commercials than the actual game. That tells you how boring the game is.

-Sofia Vergara and Owen Wilson in a commercial. This is her third ad, so she will have a huge payday.

-William Shatner in a Raisin Bran commercial. The man is in his 90's and still doing commercials.

-Melissa McCarthy is in an Elf commercial, she has officially jumped the shark.

-Sorry, the Patriots have 51 total yards.

-Tirico Suave agrees with me that Kenneth Walker deserves the MVP.

-Will Collinsworth stop using his hands while he talks?

-Another punt by New England, their sixth tonight.

-Kenneth Walker III might have a statue of him outside Lumen Field because of this performance in the Super Bowl.

-Myers with his fourth field goal, 12-0 Seahawks.

-Seventh punt for New England.

-Poppi Soda has made the cash to make a commercial.

-They show countries around the world hosting Super Bowl parties.

-Punt by Seattle, YAWN!

-Sabrina Carpenter in a Pringles commercial about a man built on Pringles.

-Wait, Ted is a show.

-Also, where is Doritos at? They usually put themselves out there during this game.

-JSN is going to the locker room, that is not good.

-I think the Patriots could be the first team to be shutout of the Super Bowl.

-Eighth punt by New England.

-Xfinity apparently solved the Jurassic Park problem.

-Jon Hamm and Scarlett Johanseen in a Ritz crackers commercial, because why the hell not.

-New England have one first down with 3:30 left in the third quarter.

-When do pitchers and catchers report? I just Googled it, TUESDAY!

-Punt by Seattle, YAWN!

-Collinsworth, of all people, points out that no one has been shut out of the Super Bowl.

-New England finally gets another first down via penalty.

-Derick Hall forces a fumble and the first turnover of the game.

END OF THIRD QUARTER: SEATTLE 12, NEW ENGLAND 0

-NFL players are singing to children; this was a nice commercial.

-Keke Palmer is in the show The Burbs. Also....♬ Keke, do you love me? Are you riding?♬

-Treehut has a commercial, who the (bleep) is Treehut?

-What? We have a touchdown! Darnold passes to tight end AJ Barner, 19-0 Seaturkeys

-Tirico Suave tells us that New England hasn't had a snap inside their own 43-yard line.

-In two plays, weirdo Mack Hollins gives the Patriots hope, a first down and a touchdown. This continues the streak of zero shutouts in the Super Bowl. 19-7 Sea.....hawks.

-It's Andy Samberg in a Hellman's Mayo commercial as Meal Diamond.

-Another punt by Seattle, but they down it at the 4-yard line.

-Maye throws a pass into triple coverage that is incomplete, obviously.

-Julian Love makes an interception that could have sealed the Super Bowl for Seattle.

-Seattle's offensive line has done so well that KWIII can be patient when he has the ball.

-Myers kicks his fifth field goal. 22-7 Seattle, not Spokane.

-There was a commercial with Kenan Thompson, DJ Khaled, Danny Trejo and others that was...just there.

-Robert Kraft is yawning in his suite.

-You realize Cam Newton is going to have on Drake Maye despite Drake being a huge fan of his.

-Speaking of Drake, Mr. Aubrey Graham has a gambling problem.

-Seattle scores a defensive touchdown to seal the Super Bowl with a record seven sacks. 29-7 Seattle.

-New England scores a late touchdown to keep it close, but not really. 29-13 Seahawks.

-70,823 is the attendance at Levi's Stadium.

-I went to shave my face when I came back, and the game is still on.

RECAP

The Seattle Seahawks win their Super Bowl in franchise history. Sam Darnold has completed the greatest redemption arc you will ever see. Kenneth Walker III won the Super Bowl 60 MVP and NBC gave him 30 seconds to speak. C'mon, man. Apparently, a shirtless man ran onto the field during the Super Bowl. This was the highest point of the event. Mike McDonald has transformed the Seahawks into a dominant defensive juggernaut in just two years. They will be a force to be reckon with in the near future.

The halftime shows were.........

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